RemembeMe4entertinty

Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's something else Maybe I'm depressed, maybe I'm selfish But lately I'm missing family, I'm feeling alone, surrounded by love. When I was ten, I gained them all, Six years later, I lost my new father. Now eleven years later, I feel I've lost them all. I'm be bringing life into the world soon, But all I want is to be around my once family. Sure, I talk to one, but that is all. We were all so close once, so I thought, Now I just wonder, tears at the surface, Was I ever considered your sister? Was I ever actually accepted into the family? Was I ever loved by you all? Was I? I have my friends, sure, But I even feel

They say they think it's post partum, I think, they're probably right. Yet, I didn't mention it to the doctor. In the past their pity shown too much. I was a child, abused,now I'm a woman, lost. The only thing different is my age. My tears still come, silent and alone. My skin still bleeds, red and angry. My mind still yells, you're stupid and broken. They told him, trying to help me. I understand, but now he hurts. So I tried my best to brush it off. He shouldnt have to feel all of this too. I'm the one, the one who takes care of everyone. I'm the one, the one who makes them smile. I'm the one, the one who feels everyones pain. They're w

I light a cigarette as I sit here I'm twenty-six, but my mind says ten. I want to drink, since I can now, And I keep thinking of my past indiscretions. They always made me feel, well something. Frankly I could use something right now. I've thought about it alot in the past few weeks, Yet my skin remains unscathed, My stomach remains unpumped. I don't understand this, I think I'm just numb. I feel weak, and I've been numb before. But this time, it's different. I know I'm struggling tonight, Yet I remain silent. The tears I shed earlier, while looking at pictures, They've passed, for now. The hospital did beautiful with them. I saw your face a

I'm trying so hard to be ok And I'm slowly comming back to everything But it's so dam difficult Nothing's the same, yet nothing's different All my life, I've been depressed All my life, I've hated myself All my life, I've wanted to die And all my life, I've failed to I've failed at so much, yet I still try. I've been beaten, I've been abused. I've been sexually assaulted,  I've been used. I've tried to die, yet I'm still here why? I dont believe in a singular god, yet i still cry out. I don't believe in myself, yet still I am. I dont know why people care, yet they do. I don't understand any of this, yet here it is. I'm trying to write my

I've never felt a love such as this, Hearing your heartbeat, smiling. Becoming a mother has always been my wish, And for one brief moment, living. I've never felt a pain so horrible, Being told your heart was silent. Delivering you too soon, still intolerable, My mind, my emotions, bombarding me, violent. I'll never know you, truly know you, my son. This doesn't seem real, I'm not sure it will. I still keep waiting to feel you move, little one, But i never will see you grow, my heart in exile. I'll never be ok losing you, not fully, There will always be a permanent hole in my life. Your father and I are trying to heal, slowly, But our hear

When I was a child, I was hurt. I was abused. I was used. I was alone. When I was a teen, I wrote poetry. I wrote pleading. I wrote pain. I wrote alone. When I was in school, I hid myself. I hid my pain. I hid my light. I hid my darkness. When I graduated, I opened my heart. I opened my wounds. I opened my soul. I opened my death. When I tried to love, I was hurt again. I was abused again. I was used again. I was alone again. When I fought myself, I always partied. I always drank. I always used. I always lied. When I came out, I was accepted. I was hated. I was hurt. I was alone. When I got a job, I was useful. I was needed. I was ove

I know how hard it is I've been there countless times I'm still there But I also know this, You're stronger than you think Shit is so hard right now I know it's true But I see who you are You are a warrior It hurts like hell I know, I see it in your mind But you've come so far You will get through this Life fucking sucks Everything seems to be failing But it is just a struggle You will overcome and grow stronger You may not think so, It's practically impossible, But I see you You are stronger than I. Everything's that's happening right now, Seems overwhelming But you have overcome worse You are powerful I know you don't believe me I'm

I rely on love to handle myself It's keeps a hold on me. Tightly gripping my heart. So tight it hurts It's a pain I've known A few times. I think. Have I really? Do I now? I don't know. But I want to, I want to know, To learn, To love. Sex is wonderful It's hot, It's amazing, Sex is, Fun. But it's not love, Not always. But maybe, Maybe this time is different, Maybe this time it's true, Maybe it's real, Pure, Love. I don't know, not yet. The past is there, haunting us both, Hiding in the gentle kisses, Laughing at the soft smiles, Scoffing at hand holding, Doubting the bed, The sex, Love. I don't know, and I don't care, I'm going to try again

Keep busy, they say Don't dwell, they say Just do, they say Don't think, they say It is so easy, to talk So easy to observe Easy to know 'everything' To give advice Not realizing I try to stay busy I do my best to not dwell It's not easy I can't just do and not think Believe me, I've tried Creating helps Writing, painting, drawing Great outlets Working myself half to death Perfect for blocking But motivation disappears Lack of creativity Sinking in Mundane jobs don't help When you lie awake Fatigue doesn't matter If you can't sleep Smiling won't work But it fools Fake laugh, they're at ease They're satisfied Thinking 'she's ok' Maybe they ca

It starts out small Something so simple So pointless Nothing It's never really gone Hiding behind smiles Bursting out Again Gone for weeks, months I'm safe, no Bad again Naturally I know it's there Everyone knows it It's ignored Always Some are showing concern I can't deny Nor confirm Lie It will always be Always bad again Not alright Pretending I'm accustomed here alone Not really, true Feels like Normal Years pass on continuously Life goes on Blood flows Out I am still here Still helpless alive Never alone Hatred It's been bad again Here for awhile I'm fine Promise